Well I had my first doctor's appointment for our second IUI, which didn't go as well as I had hoped. Last month they took some blood work that I didn't have done at the base clinic. I got the results of the blood work and they weren't as good as they should have been. My AMH levels were three times the normal amount, my LH was too high and Testosterone was out of the normal range. Thankfully I don't have the sperm antibody (the condition that kills the sperm off). They have definitely confirmed I have PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome) due to these levels and my ultrasound scans. By looking at me you would never know I have it, it's really frustrating because yes, my previous doc in CA found it first, but it feels like 5 years have been waisted with trying.
I go back into the doctors on Tuesday and I need to figure out the actual chance I have of getting pregnant with this. Usually people with PCOS wait years and years to get pregnant with no luck. They are going to be taking my glucose and insulin resistance levels to help figure out where to go with it or what do to next. I wonder if IUI will even be a good investment with trying it. I just feel like it's never going to happen with all this against us. What is it going to take to get our dream of having kids? I can't help but think that I did something to deserve this, but I'm not a bad person and I haven't done any real horrible things in my life, yet these other people who really shouldn't be parents (not that I should really judge...) can pop out babies anytime they want. I'm just having a bad day with this, especially with finding out another friend is pregnant. I'm really happy for her, but at the same time it's really hard to deal with. There are times I feel like I'm alone in this, but I know there are others out there with the same problem. Ughhhhh
I'm so sad you have to go through this. I know as teens, your dream was to have a big family and you had your names picked out and everything. So, I can only imagine the deep heartache you have had over this. I don't understand the logic of woman having babies when they don't even want them... and then wonderful woman like you having such difficulty obtaining their dreams!!
ReplyDelete"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer 29:11
Keep moving forward with whatever you feel is necessary to get answers, and remember to pray for God's Will to be done. I'm sure it's exhausting and frustrating, but don't give up.
1 John 5:14-15 says: "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him."
Don't forget that Psalm 139 reminds us that we are all "fearfully and wonderfully made", even in our "imperfections" or the parts of us that make life difficult. I won't tell you to "relax" or just "let things be what they will be", but I will ask that you keep praying without ceasing. God hears you, He knows what you desire, have faith that He will come through one way or the other.
I love you!!! :)