I have had the most exciting week of my life from June 1-8th. We finally had a successful IUI and were on our way to have our baby, which was due Feb 9, 2013. We didn't tell people because of a miscarry risk and the issue I have with maintaining a good progesterone level. I was put on progesterone and headed for a hopeful 9 month journey.
I started spotting Monday evening after I got off of my volunteer shift at dental. I was bawling, I think in my mind I knew something wasn't right. My doc assured me it doesn't automatically mean I'm losing my baby, just we need to wait it out. The next day I did get an ultrasound, but there wasn't a baby sac. I think at this point I was trying to be optimistic and know that it's really too early to see anything (considering I was only 5.4 weeks). I called my doc with an update and he suggested taking a pregnancy test again just to see if I was still ok and the pregnancy was good. I took one this morning and it was almost negative...the line was so faint and barely there. I can't explain the feeling of such failure and emptiness. I went in to get the blood work to see if it was positive still, however it did come back negative and I think I was expecting it to. I woke up this morning and I didn't feel pregnant, it felt like all hormones were just drained out of me.
They think it was a chemical pregnancy (an early miscarriage), which means the egg fertilized and it went where it was supposed to, just didn't properly attach. You still get all the hormones just like any pregnancy, just doesn't hang on at all.
I go back to the doc this afternoon to figure out where to go from here and figure out timelines for trying again. The ONLY consolation I have is, something worked, something gave us a possible pregnancy and we can get pregnant and now we know what it takes to hopefully get pregnant again soon.
I just can't knock this grief, the sadness and emptiness. I know this will take time and I will need time to morn.
We have discussed trying again, and possibly looking into another fertility clinic that's here in Sasebo locally. We love our clinic in Fukuoka, but we may try this new one just for convenience. To think I was cautious about getting excited about this baby...I just pray we are able to have our healthy baby soon.
