As of this morning, our IUI failed. To think I was so hopeful it would work this time. This is a picture of my HARSH reality and the story of my infertile life. I'm just crawling in my dark hole for a little bit to recover.
We will try again, after the holiday season. We have decided to try the IUI cycles maybe 2-3 more times before stopping to save up for IVF (which will take about a year or so to do).
These constant let downs are rough. Some days I don't think I can even leave the house because there are babies EVERYWHERE. Nobody really knows the pain of infertility and the toll it takes on a person and a marriage. Not to say our marriage is suffering from it, I can just feel myself stopping to pull away from my husband. I make myself lean on him and tell him how I feel because if I don't, I'll end up shutting everyone out. My faith is constantly being shaken. It's hard to keep going and be strong through this. I have found a group of people who know what we are going through. The majority of people don't know and never will know how it feels to not get something as simple as a baby. Women are made to create babies, right? It's the one thing we are supposed to be able to do, but I can't...at least not yet. It shouldn't be this hard. Why can women/girls have babies that can't take care of them just pop them out and I am sitting here waiting with a stable and great family just waiting for our miracle.
I know a lot of people just tell me to adopt. Do people really realize that adopting is more expensive than IVF? That and the fact of we really want at least one of our own.
...but, I will crawl out of my hole when I'm ready.
