Shoot 'em up

Well I had yet another appointment in Fukuoka today, to hopefully see more follicles. Yeah...that didn't happen. I had one that might have been 8mm, but nothing that is growing like it should have been. So I'm on my second round of Femara this cycle and also I had an injection to stimulate the follicle growth. I actually learned how to inject myself though, so I did that on myself today with the nurse (she was impressed with how well I did! haha). Monday I have to do another injection at home on my own. I'm really surprised these injections only costs me about 2,000yen (about $25) a piece, when in the states the same injection costs over $200! It's kind of frustrating that they didn't listen to me in the beginning when I told them I really need something else to boost the follicle growth hormone. Oh well, hopefully when I go back on Thursday there will be really good progress (and more than 1!).

I got my blood results back however, my glucose and insulin levels are normal, so they actually want me to stay off of Metformin. Which is weird because ever other doctor wants me on it for my PCOS. Who knows though, I'm just praying with everything I am that this cycle works and we finally get to start our family.

If this cycle doesn't work, then it's just a whole lot of saving for IVF! I really hope we don't have to go that far, I just hope and pray we are blessed with our baby without needing to go almost to the last option.

How much more can I take

Well I had my first doctor's appointment for our second IUI, which didn't go as well as I had hoped. Last month they took some blood work that I didn't have done at the base clinic. I got the results of the blood work and they weren't as good as they should have been. My AMH levels were three times the normal amount, my LH was too high and Testosterone was out of the normal range. Thankfully I don't have the sperm antibody (the condition that kills the sperm off). They have definitely confirmed I have PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome) due to these levels and my ultrasound scans. By looking at me you would never know I have it, it's really frustrating because yes, my previous doc in CA found it first, but it feels like 5 years have been waisted with trying.

I go back into the doctors on Tuesday and I need to figure out the actual chance I have of getting pregnant with this. Usually people with PCOS wait years and years to get pregnant with no luck. They are going to be taking my glucose and insulin resistance levels to help figure out where to go with it or what do to next. I wonder if IUI will even be a good investment with trying it.  I just feel like it's never going to happen with all this against us. What is it going to take to get our dream of having kids? I can't help but think that I did something to deserve this, but I'm not a bad person and I haven't done any real horrible things in my life, yet these other people who really shouldn't be parents (not that I should really judge...) can pop out babies anytime they want. I'm just having a bad day with this, especially with finding out another friend is pregnant. I'm really happy for her, but at the same time it's really hard to deal with. There are times I feel like I'm alone in this, but I know there are others out there with the same problem. Ughhhhh